You Know it's Bad When. . .

I'm writing about tennis. College and professional basketball are over. Euro '08 is over. The MLB pennant race doesn't start for another 6 weeks and the NFL doesn't start for another 3 months. So, yes, I'm writing about tennis.

Well, technically I'm not writing about tennis--about tennis commentators, specifically. You'd think there'd be a surplus of likeable analysts and former pros to turn to the booth or go behind the desk to commentate on the sport. Why? Tennis players seem intelligent, there's not a lot of nuance to the sport, and you're actually supposed to be hush-hush when calling the game--sounds like an easy gig.

Jensen in his Hay Day

For the past ten years or so though, ESPN's head tennis dude has been Luke Jensen. Through the years, we've seen Jensen's personality cause millions to change the channel, and we've seen his hair range from Color Me Badd pony-tail, to Steven R. Covey, to "AAAAHH!!" The other day, however, I was watching coverage of Wimbledon on The Deuce and I didn't see Luke (or his hair) anywhere. Instead, I saw a cool Patrick McEnroe, former pro and brother of Jon, sitting in the I-run-the-show seat. He's made the transition from athlete to awesome desk jockey pretty seamlessly, and his cool factor blows Jensen out of the water. Turns out Luke is still doing segments for The Network, but as long as there's someone else to buffer his neuroticism, I'm cool.

So that's it. Do your thing *Patty Mac!


*Every Irish person named Patrick automatically gets renamed Patty

Anything is Possible?

I have long been opposed to private marketing infringing upon sporting events. I think it is a place reserved for pure pursuits, rather than contrived schemes aimed at my spending pension. The Three Stripes may be at it again as Kevin Garnett's 'crazy guy on drugs' post championship interview nearly turned into a commercial. Darren Rovell (whose blog is really good) had a good explanation for an otherwise awkward moment. Garnett is with Adidas whose slogan is "Impossible is Nothing."

The Boston C Party

Well, it's all over. A great NBA Finals, especially since the team that defended better and played together took down the nets. For me, game 6 was three hours of pure joy. I swear the Celtics made every shot, grabbed every rebound, and stole every ball, if my shamrock-rimmed lenses were in focus, that is. It really was a slaughter though. It looked like a high school basketball practice with the Varsity team dominating the JayVees, or, even worse, Billy Madison versus Ms. Lippy's first grade class in dodge ball. (minus Ms. Lippy and the paste, of course)

Originally this post was going to cover lots of specific in-game analysis, but doing that two days after-the-fact would feel like drinking milk 2 days after the expiration date. It's not so sour that you can taste it, but once you see the date, it doesn't matter. All I want to know now is how the Celtics won. Everybody had the Lakers coming in, but that didn't exactly pan out. Here are my "BIG 3" reasons why the Celtics won:

1.) They played consistently tougher. This is comprised of how well your bench plays against the other team's starters, and how well you rebound, defend, and hustle. It was obvious that Boston edged out LA in these areas. I have to give props not only to the Big 3, but also to what I'm calling the Little 3 (Eddie House, James Posey, and P.J. Brown). These free agent veteran pickups made a crazy amount of clutch shots and played stifling defense against the Lakers starters. The Big 3 don't win a title without the Little 3.....Not only did Boston out-rebound LA, but they were out-tipping them too--it seemed like every missed jump shot was tipped on it's way down by a series of Celtic players until one of them eventually handled the rebound. It looked like keep-away with how often they tipped potential Laker rebounds into the hands of their teammates....FYI, Rajon Rondo had twice as many assists as Derek Fisher...I'm pretty sure Pau Gasol's bones are made of elementary school pipe cleaner. Consider the contrasting inspiration factor between Pau and KG. Garnett in my mind is pounding his chest and slamming the ball down the rim's throat. Gasol is sitting outside a bistro, wearing a beret and smoking one of those plastic-tipped lady cigarettes.



2.) They had a significantly better home-court/crowd advantage. It's pretty simple if you think about it--the fans at the Garden were a significant part of the experience. You could hear them scream and feel their passion. In LA, you couldn't even see what the fans were doing because the Staples Center shuts off the house-lights past the 4th or 5th row. I'm not sure why they do this--when it's dark, people get tired--but I honestly believe it had a huge impact on the series. I did some digging and created a stat to back this up. The Lakers had 8 QTs (Quarters in which their point-total was in the Teens), while the Celtics only had 4. Now, that's huge right up front, but there's something beneath that. While all of the Celtic's QTs naturally occurred on the road (games 3, 4, and 5), half of the Lakers QTs occurred at home. So not only did Boston have a home court advantage, LA didn't!



3.) They consistently stopped Kobe in quarters 2, 3, and4. I wish I could find more official stats to support this but they're not available yet. Kobe was on fire in the first quarter in so many of the games during the Series, only to fizzle out down the stretch. Blame this on fatigue and Tom Thibodeau's brilliant five-on-one defensive scheme. Bryant's poor offensive game not only had a direct effect on the games themselves, but a negative psychological effect on his teammates and fans. You could see them put it in neutral when he early on appeared to be going "MJ" on the Celtics, expecting him to carry them the rest of those games. Once Kobe fizzled though, it was too late.

And finally...
Don't you think the connection between the Shamrock (3 becoming one) and the Celtics Big 3 becoming one this season are eery?

Goosebumps...pale, freckly goosebumps.

Donaghy Strikes Again

Donaghy has recently dropped another bombshell ... or dud on the NBA. Has revealing a conspiracy surrounding game 6 of the 2002 series between Sacramento and L.A. compromise the integrity of the league, or as Stern stated recently "The reality is that … he's a singing, cooperating witness who is trying to get as light a sentence as he can?"


While nearly everyone remembers that game as one of the worst officiated games they have ever seen, Donaghy has summarily been dismissed because of his background as a convicted felon. There is no denying, however, the reputation the officials of the league have.

From Mark Stein: "All of San Antonio is convinced the Spurs have no shot at a W if Joey Crawford is in the building, just as anyone who follows Dallas can tell you that when Danny Crawford has a whistle, the Mavs have a 2-14 record in the playoffs since Mark Cuban bought the team."The game itself included the Lakers shooting 27 free throws in the final quarter and scoring 16 of their last 18 points at the line.

Seeing replays of that series on T.V. reminded me of just how much character was on that Kings team. Arizona's Mike Bibby, chain-smoking Vlade Divac (who I still believe was a foreign astronaut in the movie Armageddon) and Chris "I need a timeout" Webber. I should take it easy on Chris, as he gave impetus to a Michigan obsession that I'm coming to grips with. This may be a subject for a separate post, but is rooting for a college team that you neither went to, or live
next to, acceptable?


I don't think Donaghy will bring down the league with his timely accusation, but this would be a good time for Stern to address the referee situation in the league. He has already concurred the dress code, bumbled rules during the playoffs, and rescinded a bad idea. Now it's time to fix the Knicks and reform the refs.

WNBA Fun

Comet Boy

NBA Finals Update: Game 2

As I was watching the Boston Celtics annihilate/barely-squeak-by the Lost Angeles Lakers last night, I couldn't help but be inspired to write a post. There isn't any rhyme or reason to this post--just some basketball and non-basketball related nonsense.

Ray Allen has picked a good time to remind us all that he's still a great player. I'm mesmerized with how clean he gets his shot off--it's the most beautiful release in the league. And by the way, Ray Allen is on a very short list of people who have out-acted Denzel Washington.

If the Celtics win the series be prepared to hear the comparisons between St. Patrick ridding Ireland of snakes and the Celtics ridding Boston of the Black Mamba (Kobe Bryant's nickname). Remember you read it on Man-ologue first. And when Paul Pierce becomes Series MVP, he'll forever be known as St. Paul. And with a nickname like that, he'll nuzzle his way into the hearts of the NBA writers and secure a controversial spot in the NBA Hall of Fame.

Someone please remind Kevin Garnett that he's 7 feet tall and that there are plenty of other Celtics that can shoot the 20 footer. Since KG and I share the same birthday, we have a connection, so I'm sure you'll see him get down low and bang with Pau Gasol. (Note: I also have a similar connection with Andre the Giant, Malcolm X, and Ho Chi Minh.)

Did anyone else catch the shot of Magic Johnson shoveling popcorn into his mouth?? It was right after his trainer gave him a bucket of fish for swimming around the tank and splashing everyone in the first five rows. It should surprise no one that he married a woman named Cookie.

Like most of you I've enjoyed the NBA split screen ads this postseason. Although I'd still love to see one featuring Kevin Mchale and Kurt Rambis. Why? Because of this. Or how bout Kobe with an actual Black Mamba...Luke Walton & Bill Walton...Bill Walton and the kid from Mask...Sam Cassell & E.T....Pau Gasol & TeenWolf....any reader suggestions??


And finally...
If Doc Rivers and Phil Jackson had a love child, it's name would be Dr. Phil.

Enjoy the rest of the Finals!